How Can I Stop My Menopause Symptoms Ruining My Relationship?
I decided to write this article because so many of us find that our menopause symptoms put a huge pressure on our most intimate relationships. The relationship that we have with our partner is often the one that suffers the most.
Partner can mean many things. You don’t have to be married, or even live with your partner, to find that what you’re going through can have a negative impact on your love life.
And by love life I don’t just mean the sexual side of your relationship but all the stuff that you share as a couple. The little things that make your relationship special to you both.
Because menopause symptoms are many and varied I can’t possibly cover them all in respect to the effect they may have on your relationship with your partner. But some symptoms are more likely to have a detrimental impact than others. So I’ve gone for more of a general overview of these symptoms.
I’ve added some links at the end of this article to some of my other articles that have lots of useful tips for you to try. The links all relate to the points I’ve made here and I hope you find them helpful.
Have a read, see what applies to you and explore the links at the end of the article.
Why Some Menopause Symptoms Can Cause Relationship Problems
I’ve put together a list of symptoms that can cause you problems within your relationship. Even though you don’t choose to have any of the symptoms caused by hormonal changes they can nonetheless cause tension
Mood Swings
Mood swings throw your thoughts and emotions all over the place. You can be up one minute and down the next. Mood swings can’t be predicted so they take you unawares. Leaving you feeling that you’ve lost control of your emotions.
Not only do mood swings leave you confused about what’s happening to you they confuse your partner too. If you’re happy and jolly one minute, then down or raging the next, your partner is going to wonder what’s going on. Is it something they did or said? Has someone upset you and you haven’t told them about it? Has something gone badly wrong? . . . . . . . . .
Your partner’s mind is likely to be in a turmoil wondering what’s happening here. You appear to have had a complete personality change! And because you’re unlikely to be able to explain on the spur of the moment it makes the situation even more fraught.
The unpredictability of your moods can make your partner wary of you. And also make them worry about your relationship. Whether they start to blame themselves, or just think that the relationship has hit the rocks, it can make the time you spend together uneasy to say the least.
Fatigue
General fatigue is all too common for women going through menopause. Hormonal fluctuations can leave you feeling drained. It’s like there’s just too much going on inside your body for your body and mind to cope with all in one go.
Fatigue leaves you with little or no energy. Even coping with the usual daily stuff that you need to do is hard work. Your lack of energy takes away your motivation for doing anything. Even the things that you usually enjoy.
Social situations can be too much trouble. So you stop going out and meeting with friends. Family ‘do’s’ become a chore. And it can become extremely difficult to drag yourself out of bed to go to work. Or even just to the supermarket.
From your partner’s point of view this isn’t a lot of fun. If your wages are part of the household income and you usually at least contribute to the household chores (or do the majority!) then your lethargy will have a big impact.
If you usually go out and about together regularly, but you no longer have the energy or the inclination to go, it can cause bad feeling and even arguments.
Sleep Problems
Hormonal sleep disturbance is often one of the first symptoms of perimenopause that women experience. Hormonal changes can bring on a number of issues that stop you from getting a good night’s sleep.
Night sweats are one reason, and quite often the main one, but there are other ones that keep you awake half the night. How about needing the loo more often? Not being able to get comfortable because your body aches? Or just waking up and not being able to go back to sleep for hours?
All of these things, and more, can interfere with your sleep patterns and also add to feelings of general fatigue.
From your partner’s point of view, especially if they share a bed with you on a nightly basis, your issues with sleep can be a pain to them too.
If you spend the night flicking the duvet on and off, sweating profusely, fidgeting, getting in and out of bed and playing on your phone in the early hours, your partner’s sleep is also going to be disturbed.
And they won’t be impressed. Tired people are more prone to being argumentative. An argument first thing in the morning can mean bad feeling between you both all day.
Then the cycle starts all over again that night.
Loss Of Confidence
This is one of the stranger menopause symptoms that can hit you unawares. You may have been a very confident woman for most of your adult life. But once you reach perimenopause, and your symptoms start to interfere with how you function, it can knock your confidence for six.
You can start doubting yourself and your abilities. Not just when it comes to learning new stuff but also losing confidence in things you’ve been doing for awhile. Even things you’ve been doing successfully for years.
So you can end up with a loss of confidence that gets you down and makes you less inclined to try something new.
This can be confusing for your partner. After all they know you as a confident woman who does what she does well. Even if you’ve never been the bravest woman you’ve always done what you need to with confidence and excelled in it.
That doesn’t have to mean that you’ve always been a successful career woman. It’s not necessarily about your job. It’s also about all the things that you handle in life without a second thought.
So when you doubt yourself, put yourself down, or just give up and say you can’t do it anymore, your partner may not understand how you feel.
That’s not how they see you. So what’s going on? They may find your attitude frustrating even though you’re probably frustrated with yourself too. It can all lead to friction in the relationship and cause problems that you could both do without.
Memory Lapses
I’ve always had a terrible memory. My son made me a sticky-note holder when he was at school because he knew it would help me. My son is married and has 3 children of his own now. But I still use my sticky-note holder to help me to remember important things.
We all forget things sometimes. But during menopause our memory can become a little faulty. Not only is that annoying but it can also be worrying. It’s not uncommon to think you’re losing your mind.
There are always important events that we either want, or need, to remember. And also simple things like ‘buy some milk’. So when we forget something it can cause problems.
And I don’t just mean embarrassment or inconvenience either.
Forgetting what you’re supposed to be doing, or where you should be going, can cause problems with your partner. If you don’t turn up for something because it’s slipped your mind there can be trouble. If you’re not mentally prepared for that family dinner date, because you’ve forgotten it’s happening, getting ready for it at the last minute (when you’re not in the mood either) can cause an argument.
And it’s not just the big things that can annoy your partner. It’s the little things that you forget too that can cause arguments and tension. If your partner starts to feel that your not bothered about them anymore, or that you’ve lost interest in your life together, you can end up with a serious breakdown in your relationship.
Low Mood
Life is a mix of good and bad things and sometimes we can feel pretty low during the bad patches. It’s a perfectly normal response but usually only lasts for a short while until your life feels more balanced again.
Low mood as a menopause symptom however, often has no cause that you can pinpoint. It can also continue for prolonged periods and be difficult to shift.
Feeling low affects how you see your life and how you function from day to day. If you feel low you lack energy and enthusiasm. You’re more likely to worry about minor things and to develop low self-esteem.
Despite not wanting to feel like this (you just want it to go away!) it can put a strain on your relationship with your partner.
They may just see you as moody and difficult and think that you overreact at the slightest little thing. And on top of that you don’t seem bothered about them. You don’t even want to go out and have fun together or enjoy being with them at all.
In fact, if you’ve been suffering with low mood for quite a while they may decide that they don’t actually enjoy being with you anymore. Either way it’s not good news for the future of your relationship.
Loss Of Sex Drive
Loss of sex drive is often the biggy when it comes to menopause symptoms that cause problems within a relationship.
While loss of sex drive isn’t inevitable it’s a common casualty of hormonal changes.
Not only can you simply lose the urge but you can also end up actively avoiding sexual contact with your partner. It doesn’t mean that you’ve suddenly found them sexually repulsive you just genuinely don’t want, or need, that degree of intimacy.
It’s often not just the change to your sex drive itself that can make you feel this way. Other menopause symptoms can put you off sex too.
Vaginal dryness can make sex painful. Urine leaks can make you worry about leaking during sex. And weight gain, which is not uncommon during menopause, can make you self-conscious about your body.
So other menopause symptoms, added to a drop in your sex drive, can cause arguments in the bedroom.
I realise that couples often have a difference in their sexual appetite anyway which can cause disagreement at times. But if you find that during menopause, from perimenopause onwards, you have little or no sex drive at all, the subject of sex can become even more difficult.
From your partner’s point of view constant refusal and lack of interest in sex can be seen as rejection. Not just rejection sexually but also a rejection of them as a person. The bad feeling and the arguments this can cause can severely damage your relationship.
Although your loss of lust isn’t your fault, it is likely to cause dispute.
So What Can You Do To Stop Menopause Symptoms Ruining Your Relationship?
There are many symptoms that are recognised as part of the menopause. I’ve only discussed a few of them here from the point of view of their negative effect on both you and your partner.
All couples are different. So for you it might be other menopause symptoms that are causing you problems in your love life.
However there are a couple of things that spring to mind when it comes to solutions.
Here’s the first one.
Talk To Each Other
Talking to your partner about what is happening to you, and why, is a great starting point in resolving issues.
I know that it’s not always easy. Especially when you’re feeling low and would just like to hide away. But it does make a huge difference to how your partner reacts to the fall out from your symptoms.
Let’s face it, your partner probably has no idea what’s going on. On top of the confusion they’re likely to be feeling rejected and even angry.
So talk things through together as calmly as possible. Both of you need to share how you’re feeling and explain the impact it’s having on your day-to-day lives.
If you can add a little ‘menopause education’ to the conversation that will help even more.
It’s hard enough for you to understand what’s happening to your own body at this stage of your life. It’s even harder for someone else who’s seeing it all from an outside position.
Which Brings Me To My Second Point
Educate yourselves (and yes, I mean both of you!). Educate yourselves about menopause symptoms and how to ease them.
I’ve filled this website with lots of information about menopause symptoms. Not just the reasons why they are happening, but more importantly, loads of tips for easing them and making your life more comfortable.
Here Are The Links I Promised Earlier
Perimenopause/Menopause Sleep Problems And Fatigue
Does The Menopause Affect Memory?
Where Has My Motivation And Energy Gone?
Low Mood and Depression In Perimenopause And Menopause
Does The Menopause Affect Sex Drive?
Bladder Problems During Perimenopause And Menopause
Remedies For Vaginal Dryness, soreness And Itching
Does The Menopause Make You Fat?
Don’t forget to explore the other articles and blogs on the website. They’re full of information and tips that can help to make your menopause experience easier.
If you prefer to get your information and tips in bite-sized pieces I also have a YouTube channel. To view the channel click here
