Does The Menopause Affect Sex Drive (Libido)?
Experiencing a loss of sex drive (Libido) is a common concern for women just before, during and even after the menopause. There’s no such thing as a normal libido, we’re all different in that respect in the first place. But finding that your sex drive seems to have disappeared can be worrying.
What Causes Loss Of Libido?
The cause of lowered or lost libido in perimenopause and menopause is the fall in the levels of the sex hormones oestrogen and testosterone. However, there can be other contributing factors.
- Fatigue
- Stress and/or anxiety
- Low mood or depression
- Loss of attraction/over familiarity to your partner
- Problems within the relationship
- Poor communication with your partner
- Health and/or mobility problems and some medications
- Concern about self-image and/or weight gain
- Worry about what the future will bring
- Concerns about aging
These are just a few examples of other possible contributing factors. There may be different things that are important to you which are just as valid as the ones on my list.
Relationships
Loss of libido can cause difficulties in a relationship especially if only one partner is experiencing this. The other partner may feel neglected, unloved or even angry. So, is there anything that you can do about it?Communication with your partner is the key here. You need to talk honestly about how you feel and the reasons for this. If your loss of interest is purely hormonal, as far as you can tell, then explain this to your partner. Listen to them about how they are are feeling too and work things out together.
If stress and fatigue are a contributing factor for you, again, talk about this. Maybe there are ways that your partner can help to take some of the workload off you and give you a little more ‘me’ time. Try some relaxation or stress busting techniques too.
So what do you do if your not good at communicating with each other or there are deeper problems within the relationship? You might want to consider relationship counselling to help with this. Outside help and guidance can be beneficial when you can’t work it out between you or don’t even know where to start.
You can also speak to your doctor about your loss of sex drive if it’s causing you problems in your relationship. Or if you’re just not happy with the fact that you have lost interest in sex and it’s causing you concern. Your doctor can offer you professional help and advice or may be able to refer you to someone who can offer further help.
Of course, loss of sex drive isn’t always a problem. If you’re at the perimenopause or menopause stage in your life, you’ve been with your partner for some years, and they’re of a similar age to you, they may also be experiencing a lowered sex drive too. The lowering of libido as you get older is certainly not uncommon and could even be considered a normal winding down of sexual activity within a relationship. Even long-term couples who love each other, and show each other genuine physical affection, don’t always feel the need to show their feelings for each other by having frequent sex, or having sex at all. Sometimes physical closeness and affection is enough for them as a couple to express their love.
If you feel there is a more medical reason affecting the intimate side of your relationship. Such as health, mobility, depression or a medication you have been prescribed, then see your doctor. Your doctor will be able to give help and advice.
Vaginal Dryness In Menopause
Vaginal dryness can affect some women during perimenopause and menopause. It can cause the area to become dry, itchy and sore. Sex can become uncomfortable and even painful if the vagina isn’t adequately lubricated. The dryness is caused by the drop in oestrogen levels which is something you can’t control. But there is something that you can do to alleviate the discomfort which in turn will make your sex life more pleasurable.
You can buy over the counter lubricants and moisturisers to help alleviate the problem. They are widely available in chemists and supermarkets. Lubricants come in liquid or gel form and are applied just before sex.
Moisturisers are a cream. They are applied internally on a regular basis, usually every few days. They have a longer lasting effect than the lubricants so are ideal if the dryness is a general problem and not just at those more intimate times.
If you are unsure what type of lubricant is best suited for you, you can speak to your chemist for advice. A lot of pharmacies now have a private consultation booth for people to discuss their needs without others overhearing. Pharmacists are like doctors in that they are medically trained and are used to discussing customers intimate health worries. So don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask for advice.
You can also buy lubricant gels that are designed to enhance sexual pleasure at the same time as providing added moisture. Some increase sensitivity and/or produce a pleasant tingling effect. They are designed to be used during sex rather than as a general lubricant.
There are several different brands of lubricants and moisturisers available and you may need to try a few different ones to see which suits you best. Remember though that if you use condoms for contraception you need to check the product information for suitability. Oil based lubricants and moisturisers can damage latex.
If you feel that you need more help with this then your doctor may prescribe something a little stronger such as vaginal oestrogen pessaries, creams or vaginal rings. Although these treatments contain hormones they differ from HRT in that the hormone treatment is localised to the specific area of need. Your doctor will be able to explain how these work in more detail so you can decide if this is the best course of action for you.
If you are considering using HRT during your perimenopause/menopause take a look at my article ‘What Is HRT?’ for further information.
Does Sex Drive (Libido) Return After Menopause?
It’s important to remember that a woman’s sex drive fluctuates during her lifetime. Changes in the level of sexual desire are not just limited to the perimenopausal and menopausal years of a woman’s life. Stale or problematic relationships will affect your level of sexual desire. Periods of ill health, stress, tiredness as well as anxiety and depression will all affect your urge for intimacy.
The drop in the levels of oestrogen and testosterone during the lead up to menopause itself can interrupt or even halt your sex drive. But some women find that that once they have reached menopause and their hormones have stabilised their sex drive comes back. Often with a renewed vigour.
Once you’re in menopause you don’t have to worry about contraception anymore. Not having to worry about getting pregnant can make a big difference to your sex drive. Women often find that they gain a new sense of sexual freedom. Freedom from the monthly cycle of bleeds and freedom from worrying about an unplanned pregnancy. Feeling more relaxed about the physical side of your relationship goes a long way to helping to increase your desire for sexual intimacy with your partner.
Tips and Tricks
There are a few simple things that you can do that may help to improve your sex life after menopause (they are also helpful during perimenopause too). Here’s a few Tips and Tricks that you might like to try out.
Diet
I’m not talking about losing weight here, just eating healthily. A balanced and healthy diet plays an important role in how you feel and in how much energy you have to do the things you want to do. Vitamins B, C, D, and E are believed to be beneficial for sexual health so include them in your daily diet.
Of course if you have put on weight in recent years it can make you unhappy with your body image and less inclined to bear all in the bedroom. Feeling self conscious about how you look is likely to put a dampener on your passion. If this is the case for you then changing your diet and watching your fat and sugar intake, along with some regular exercise, will help you to shed those pounds and to build yourself confidence back up.
Exercise
Okay, so sex is a good form of exercise in itself. But you still need to do other regular daily exercise because it will keep you fit and energised ready for those more intimate moments. Exercise is a great stress reliever too. Stress can interfere with your sex life as it can make you feel overwhelmed with life in general. Leaving you with little or no interest in sex. Even a brisk 30 minute daily walk can make all the difference to your love life and to your general wellbeing.
Communication
Talking openly with your partner is vital for a happy sex life. Particularly if you’ve found that your sex drive has been affected by hormonal changes which are beyond your control. Being open about what you both would like, and discussing any issues that are interfering with your love life, will make a huge difference to the way you relate to each other when it comes to sex. You may even find that talking about your sex life is an aphrodisiac in itself.
Set The Mood
This may sound like a cliche but setting a relaxing romantic mood can do wonders for your love life. Sharing a relaxed and affectionate evening together often leads to the bedroom. How you choose to set the mood will depend on you and your partner. We’re all different in what we find romantic or erotic. It may be a candlelit meal for two with soothing music playing in the background, or a romantic or saucy film and a shared bottle of wine. Anything that brings you and your partner closer together is just fine. Even if the evening doesn’t end in tangled bedsheets it will still have a positive effect on the closeness of your relationship. And other evenings like this may end with a little more passion.
Experiment Sexually
Long-term partners often find that their sex lives have become dull and routine. Because you know each other so well and have been intimate together for years it’s easy to become bored with the physical side of your relationship. Over-familiarity with each others bodies and sexual techniques can really kill the passion.
So why not spice it up a little? You’re both consenting adults and what goes on behind closed doors is nobody else’s business but yours. Talking openly about what each of you would like to try is really the starting point. You will probably surprise each other by what you say. If either you or your partner find it a difficult thing to discuss then why not just introduce something a little different and see what reaction you get. Whether it’s a favourable reaction or not it could be good way to open up discussions.
Increased Sex Drive (Libido) And Menopause
Can sex drive increase during perimenopause and menopause?
While a lowered or loss of sex drive is more common during perimenopause and menopause itself, some women do experience an increased interest in sex.
Despite the hormonal disruption, which can cause a loss in the sexual urge in a lot of women, some women discover their interest in, and desire for, sex increases considerably. There doesn’t seem to be a medical explanation for this, as far as I can tell, but nonetheless, it does happen for some women and the urge for more frequent sex is genuine.
It’s worth noting that the women of today who are in their late 40s and early 50s are different from the women in previous generations who were at the same stage of life. Today’s women are more independent, self-confident and are more likely to be career women alongside playing the more traditional roles, such as wives and mothers.
Today’s woman is better informed about good nutrition and is is more likely to take regular exercise because she knows the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. The benefits of keeping fit and healthy have a knock on effect. Women in their middle years are now often in better physical shape than some younger women, and often feel and look more attractive too.
Add to this that menopause brings with it the sexual freedom that goes with not having to worry about an unplanned pregnancy, and sex can become a more inviting prospect than ever before. All the fun and none of the worry.
A new relationship will have a positive effect on a woman’s sex drive. The excitement of being with a new lover does wonders for your libido. The unfamiliarity and fun when you start getting to know a new partner really peps up your love life. Now I’m not saying you should go out and have an affair and ruin a good long term relationship. I’m just pointing out that the divorce and separation rate of couples over 50 has increased considerably over recent years. Which means that a lot of women (and men) in this age group are beginning a new relationship. So if you find yourself in the divorced/separated ‘category’ don’t be surprised if your sex drive returns or increases when you meet a new partner.
Don’t forget that practicing safe sex is important at any age. Even if you no longer need to worry about contraception you should always protect yourself from the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Have fun, but stay safe.
